Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Get Yer Loofah On, It's Duck Dynasty Night!

We died when we saw this.  Of course, The Girl Child had to get one.  She chose Si.  Not quite sure how I feel about that, LOL!!  Happy, Happy, Happy Duck Dynasty Season Premiere Night!!  :)


Wednesday, July 31, 2013

You Have to Pee to Believe!

If you don't live in or near Texas, too bad, so sad for you!  Not only do we have Blue Bell ice cream, bluebonnets in the springtime, and the Eagle Ford Shale (thank you, Jesus!), we have Buc-ee's:

What, pray tell, is Buc-ee's?  I'm so glad you asked.  Google it.  Go ahead, I'll wait.... 

FYI, that Wikipedia entry you just read doesn't do Buc-ee's justice.  If you have children, live in Texas, and enjoy family road trips, then Buc-ee's is your place.  If you like one-stop shopping, Buc-ee's has it all. From Yeti coolers to Duck Dynasty gear; specialty jerky to Dr Pepper Icees;  gasoline to homemade fudge, if Buc-ee's doesn't have it, you don't need it.  I'm not kidding.  I am in love with this place.
Fudge aside, the biggest draw for germ freaks like me is the fact that the restrooms at Buc-ee's are immaculate. I swear, your kid could dump his bag of Beaver Nuggets on the floor in there and you wouldn't have to worry about enforcing the five second rule.  

There are toilet seat wipes, toilet seat covers, and Purell dispensers INSIDE each stall.  Never will you find an empty toilet paper roll.  More Purell dispensers, automatic soap dispensers, water faucets and  paper towel dispensers await you at the hand washing area.  Another plus is the fact that you won't have to open any doors when you leave the restroom area after your hands are clean.  Stop at any given Buc-ee's location in the great state of Texas, and you will find a janitor in the restroom area scanning her territory for any sign of grime, filth or general grossness.  It's amazing.

Truth be told, only Disney World can rival the cleanliness of a Buc-ee's.  (If you don't believe me, just ask the Boy Child. Last year, we had barely made it inside the gates of those hallowed grounds when he needed a potty break. After he took care of business, he came running out shouting, "Mom!  Mom!! These restrooms are BETTER THAN BUC-EE'S!!!").  I am sure Arch "Beaver" Aplin III and Don Wasek would be pleased to know that their facilities rank right up there with Walt's on the cleanliness-is-next-to-Godliness scale.

We appreciate clean restrooms (and awesome beef jerky) so much that my children have been known to begin chanting, "BUC-EE'S, BUC-EE'S, BUC-EE'S!!!" when we come upon signs like these:  

Are these great, or what?!  How could you not stop?  

The only bad thing about stopping at Buc-ee's is that most of the time we are in a rush.  Get in, "P" happy, wash hands, choose snacks, get gas and get back on the road.  We've got places to be and people to see. A few days ago, however, we had the luxury of stopping at Buc-ee's for longer than 12 minutes.  That day, Buc-ee's was the destination, people.  We were meeting Grandma and Nanny C. to pick up a kiddo.  We could spend as much time as we liked perusing all the goodies.  Oh what fun!

Beaver "Pillow Pets"

Jelly and Such

Beaver Bottoms

Yay!  Fudge!

We ended up spending about 30-45 minutes inside.  Sausage on a stick, fudge sampler packs, jumbo beef jerky, a BB-Q brisket sandwich, Icees and we were good to go.  Oh, and lest I forget:  a new Duck Commander t-shirt for the Girl Child.  (She still had birthday money burning a hole in her pocket).  We didn't get the obligatory photo op with the huge stuffed Buc-ee's beaver mascot this time because the children would not cooperate.  (Something about me "always taking too many pictures").  Luckily for me, we have at least two more road trips on the books before school starts again.  I promise you, I can hold it till we make it to Buc-ee's!

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Is This for Real?

I can't even form a coherent sentence about this:

WATCH: Students sign petition to legalize abortion after childbirth

Wait, What?!

If you ask my parents or anyone else who has known me since I was a kid, they will tell you that I have always had a mind like a steel trap.  I have, many times, startled my parents with the detailed crap I could remember from my childhood.  On more than one occasion my dad has said, "How the hell do you remember that?!" or my mom has exclaimed something along the lines of, "You were only four when that happened!"  I have to admit, it was pretty amazing.

Notice I said, "was."

In high school, I was part of our Academic Challenge team.  We practiced year-round during our lunchtime and before and after school.  The local television station sent out a huge packet of practice questions for the teams to use in preparation for their televised contest.  They indicated that the questions they provided were of the caliber and rigor they planned to use during the competition.  Our coach (who ended up becoming my step-mom-in-law!) made copies of these study packets for all the team members.  She asked us to review them at home and said we would use some of the questions they gave us during our practice rounds at school.  I got to work, people.  I may not have been the fastest team member at the buzzer, but I knew my stuff.  After lots of practice and great coaching, we were ready to take on the other area high schools for our chance at a plaque (woot-woot!) and some scholarships.  

We were not among the first few groups to start the competition, so we were allowed to watch from the green room.  While we were observing the other teams, we would sometimes catch ourselves saying the answers out loud.  The more we watched, the more excited my teammates and I became.  We really knew this stuff!  I then started to notice that many of the questions the local TV announcer kept asking were taken verbatim from our study packets!  What in the world was going on here?!  After about 15 minutes of this, kids from other schools started looking at us like we had three heads.  There was a lot of whispering and finger-pointing going on.  The other coaches started asking questions, too.  Finally, our coach said, "Well, didn't y'all use the study packets they sent us?  I can't believe they're using some of the exact questions, though." She whipped out the gargantuan packet and all other coaches gasped.  None of the other teams had received study guides of such epic proportions.  They started pulling out the papers they had received from the news station's Academic Challenge program director, which were quite wimpy by comparison.  The proverbial shit then hit the fan.

Turns out, someone from the TV station had inadvertently sent our team the ENTIRE packet of challenge questions.  Because we had been using most of these same questions during our practice rounds, and we had also been studying them at home, I could often get the answer before the host even finished asking the question. (Steel. Trap.) The host brought the coach and our team into his private office.  He said, "You know, there are a LOT of questions and answers here.  I really don't think they would know all of them." Coach/Future Step-mom-in-law said, "You don't understand who you're dealing with here.  Go ahead. Ask." He skipped around from one topic to another.  Flipped from front to back of the stack.  Asked question after question.  We could answer them all, and I could actually see the questions in my mind with the answers right below/beside them.  (Steel. Trap.)  He couldn't believe it.  Even after the other team members realized what what was going on and quit answering questions, I was still at it.  (Steel. Trap.) Coach/Future Step-mom-in-law eventually put a stop to it, saying, "You can keep going all day long, but she's going to have the answer that is on the page for every single question you ask her."   By that point, I was in tears and they shuffled us out of his office.  We had to wait in the lobby while the "powers-that-be" decided what they were going to do about the situation.

We got screwed.  Even though we did nothing wrong, and even though the TV station made the mistake, our team was "disqualified."  We did not get to compete for plaques and scholarship money.  We didn't get our 15 minutes of fame on our little podunk TV station.  We had to go home, after months of preparation, without even getting the chance to compete in one round.  The TV execs apologized profusely, made sure the other competitors understood that this was not something we had done in order to cheat, and we were sent on our way.  Totally sucked. We should have sued.

I should note that even though I was part of my high school's Academic Challenge team, it does not mean I was the smartest of the bunch.  I most certainly was not.  The point of my little story is this:  I used to have a great memory, people!  Bible scriptures (book, chapter AND verse!), song lyrics, the exact page number I was on in a huge book without using a bookmark, snippets of conversations, names of people I only met once, what people wore on any given day of the week, how to get to our extended relatives' home deep in the Louisiana woods without a map, and more. Twenty-something years, a husband, two kids, and 10 (or was it 11) pets later, and the ol' Steel Trap is rusty as all get out.  (I should probably also point a few fingers at the experimental medication I took during a clinical trial for hepatitis c, while reserving my two middle fingers for the interferon portion of those cocktails, but I'll get to that eventually).  I can't remember if I paid the electric bill or not.  I have picked up one child from Religious Education and driven off without the other. I can't remember if I just said something out loud or if I was only thinking of saying it.  I forget the words for common objects.  Don't even ask me if I know what I did with that important piece of paper.  I have found half a banana in the knife drawer and a hairbrush in the refrigerator.  I have shown up a day early for a doctor's appointment and forgotten to even go to others.  I don't finish my sentences.  I have madly searched for my sunglasses only to find them on my head!  (This has happened more than once lately).  I forget my cell phone on my nightstand. All. The. Time.  My kids and my husband are always telling me, "You just said that!!"  And, the best part is, I know there are numerous other examples, but I can't come up with them at the moment. In short, I drive myself (and those around me) nuts! So, in an effort to hold on to a few scraps of my sanity, (and because I am done with all the nonsense I encountered a few weeks ago on Facebook) I decided to start a blog.

Hope I can remember where I am going to put this piece of paper with my password....